The Resources Center

Summer is the time when we ditch the office and school assignments and take some quality times with friends and family.  So this summer when you're at the game with some friends or taking a family vacation to Disney World, escape the heat of summer with some cool summer jokes that will bring a smile to everyone around.  Whether you're cooking out, swimming, or at band camp, these will keep you laughing.

July 4th Humor

Only In America:

-Do people order double cheeseburgers, a large fry and a diet coke

-Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage

-do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters

-can you get a pizza to your house faster than an ambulance

-do we have drive up ATM machines with Braille for the blind 

Baseball Jokes

-Why did the campers bring a baseball  player with them?
         To pitch the tent!

-Why did the baseball player get arrested?
         For stealing bases!

-What is the biggest diamond in the world?
         A baseball diamond

Disney:

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them down on Post-it notes. I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long. "Because," my son explained, "they said it has to have at least four characters."

Summer Band Camp:

The summer band class was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room.

The sixth graders, eage to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no more. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then stomped on it to ensure its fate.

"Was it a bee?" another student asked.

"Nope," Tommy replied. "Bee flat."

Activities to do during your summer according to Shelia Moss, a humor columnist:

EXERCISE: This is easily accomplished without fuss while mowing grass. Grass, as everyone knows, grows one inche per minute in the summer. That means that if you run as fast as you can while pushing the power mower in front of you, you can finish the yard at least 30 minute before it is tall enough to mow again.

COOKOUTS: Different foods are more readily available in the summer months, and a variety of foods can be prepared out of doors. Cooking over a charcoal fire gives food a taste not obtained with other types of cooking. Be sure to watch the food carefully, and keep your cell phone handy to summon the fire department if the deck catches on fire. Don't worry about the charred and dry meat, just slop on the barbecue sauces and eat it anyhow.

SPORTS: There are many summer sports that can be enjoyed by individuals or as a team activities. If tennis, golf and organized team sports no longer hold your interest, try some of the more extreme sports such as rubber rafting and bungee jumping. You will have an experience to remember and the hospital bills with be worthy every penny.