The Resources Center

Irish Jokes:

1. An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question? "Who told you that?" asked Paddy.

2. Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty." "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

3. Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He said. "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!" "Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked. "No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."

4. A Kerryman rang Aer Lingus and asked how long it took to fly from Dublin to London.
   "Just a minute sir," said the girl on the desk.
   "Thank you," said the Kerryman and hung up.

5. A fellow walked into a bar in Dublin and asked the barman if he had heard the latest Kerryman joke,
    "I'm warning you," said the barman, "I'm a Kerryman myself."
    "That's allright," said the fellow, "I'll tell it slowly."

6. A man hired a Kerryman as an assistant to take phone calls. One day the phone rang and when the Kerryman answered he hung up immediately.
    "Who was that?" asked his boss.
    "Some fool saying it was a long distance from New York. I told him everybody knew that."

Irish Sayings:

1. May you be afflicted with the itch and have no nails to scratch with!
    -Irish Curse

2. Here's to your roof,
    may it be well thatched
    And here's to all
    under it -
    May they be
    well matched.
    -Irish Toast

3. Is minic a bhris béal duine a shrón
    It is often that a person's mouth broke his nose.
    -Irish Proverb

4. Dance as if no one's watching, sing as if no one's listening, and live everyday as if it were your last.
    -Irish Saying

5. A little fire that warms is better than a big fire that burns.
    -Irish Saying

6. Wisdom is the comb given to a man after he has lost his hair.
    -Irish Saying

7. Everyone lays a burden on the willing horse.
    -Irish Saying

8. You can't kiss an Irish girl unexpectedly. You can only kiss her sooner than she thought you would.
    -Irish Saying

9. An old broom knows the dirty corners best.
    -Irish Saying

10. You'll never plough a field by turning it over in your mind.
     -Irish Saying